Loneliness

Each one of us is like many others yet each one is unique. We belong to a group and yet are individuals, alone in the perspectives our minds and experiences create. Some of us are more able to understand the perspectives of others and can empathize; some of us are too caught up in ourselves to give much thought to others.

No matter which, we are susceptible to loneliness--extreme, excruciating introspection such that we feel isolated from all others.

Then is when we contemplate the ultimate question--WHY?

It is the question that religions and philosophies have grappled to no ultimate answer. Are we the playthings of a God or gods, or merely organized space dust? Why are we here? Why bother to continue living? What more is there? What difference do I make?



Some think they have it figured out and may be happy in their delusions. Often these folks belong to a collective that all think they have it figured out and thus are less likely to fall into the grave despair of loneliness. 



Others know that they do not know and can spiral into the deepest darkness as they either give up caring for themselves or indulge themselves to excess in an attempt to quiet that evil question, "Why?"



In the philosophy and practice of law we learn that this is a dangerous question. "Why?" leaves open too many potential answers. It is a question we do not always know how a witness will answer while testifying and the response could destroy our case.

So, we tend to ask “who?”, “what?”, “when?”, and “where?” in order to try and get the jury to figure out the "why?" in a way that benefits our side. We can suggest the motive, but if the witness blurts out the motive, the jury need not grapple with it.

 

If we all knew the answer to the ultimate question of life, we would not need to endure life. We would realize that the answer is reached and would stop striving to reach it. Our journey is not unlike a deliberating jury attempting to figure out a winner and a loser.

If we give up on our pursuit of the answer we are giving up on all our potential. We will stop growing as a species. We will not explore, not wonder, not care. We will not win and we will not lose. We will only stagnate.



Lawyers are very susceptible to loneliness. We are problem solvers and despise unanswerable questions. In our lonely search for the truth we can alienate others and even alienate ourselves from ourselves. We start to feel powerless and fearful. We start to wonder whether it is worth going on, waking up, fighting another day. We dread the tasks at hand and wonder whether it is all worthwhile.



Some lawyers let the stress get to them and give in and give up--on the profession, on their health, and even on life. Victories become hollow and losses unbearable. Nothing quenches that desire for truth and for a sense of wanting to belong. Too many victories cause us to wonder what more there is and too many losses cause us to wonder, "what's the point?"



If we all knew the ultimate answer, would we have so much diversity? Would we have an exciting world? I doubt it. We would be much more alike because we would all know one single truth. We would then lose individualism. We would be so crowded and bored that life would be useless. 



I theorize that individualism and unsolved puzzles are far more interesting and suspenseful than collective boredom. Earth, with its great diversity, is far more desirable than eternal sameness.

Mortality is far more rewarding than immortality. Mortality gives us art and beauty. Death gives us rebirth. Eternity gives us nothing but cyclical boredom.



So, I say, find joy in your individualism and your particular daily struggle. Keep pondering "why?" but do not let it consume you. Quit worrying about belonging and start thinking about adding value to your life and those of others. Once you stop thinking about loneliness you stop being lonely. Once you stop worrying you stop worrying.

Fear is your friend, not your enemy. If you allow fear of the unknowable to eat you, you shall miss out on much. If you allow fear of the unknowable to deepen and broaden your perspective, you shall delight in the mystery and fear will transform from fear for self to fear for all.

As you expand your perspective, you shall stop feeling tiny and start feeling useful, self-actualized. "Why?" is not evil, it IS your reason for living. You are the protagonist of your story. You are the jury that determines your success. You can fail. Survival after failure provides far more interesting stories and insights than succumbing to failure. Winning teaches less than losing. Adversity teaches more than ease. Harshness builds more character than indulgence.



I started by saying that we are all alone in our individual perspectives. I challenge you to perceive life henceforth as an amusing mystery filled with beauty and awe that you can contribute to and enjoy. Erase the perceptions of oppressive loneliness and realize we are all alone and all wonderful and all complex and all worth knowing and all worth helping and all worth learning from.

The diversity is exciting and belonging erases more potential than recognizing individualism. Group think produces less than individual thought. Collaboration is great so long as it is comprised of individuals--not clones and sycophants.



Again, I challenge you to embrace your uniqueness and channel it towards production and exploration instead of into introspective, lonely, despair.

Las Vegas attorney Anthony M. Wright can be reached at (702) 809-6904. You may also reach your Las Vegas lawyer by Emailing me.

Essay to get into Law School

Personal Statement

My buddy is afraid of heights, but he often tags along with me when I go mountain climbing; he's trying to get rid of his paunch. Hiking with a friend builds a synergy between the love of companionship and the love of nature, which make the adventures enjoyable in spite of fears, occasional slips and trips, and running into cacti.

For my friend, reaching a top is a great achievement as he's overcoming a fear each time he does it. For me, reaching a top is a realization of a goal, but this achievement is not the sole enjoyment of the experience, the actual hiking is its own reward. As I walk over rocks or cling and climb up giant boulders, I realize several things within the rugged beauty of Nature. With a vigilant eye, we sometimes see a fossil of some prehistoric sea animal evidencing the fact that Southern Nevada had once been under water. We keep a lookout for meteorites too as they are valuable chunks of metal from the dark vastness of the universe. However, mostly we see broken bottles, paper wrappers, and lead from spent bullets from the 1980s when people would shoot guns here (illegal now). The litter detracts from the enjoyment of the outdoors as it evidences some untidy person walked before us and the mystery of discovery is lessened. Perhaps, a hundred years from now, that litter I find annoying now will be as entertaining to some future hiker as the fossils are to me.

Along with what is visible, I remain cognizant of other things in my hike. I realize I have my life in my own hands. I realize I must watch out for my friend who is not as experienced a climber and has an innate fear of heights. I realize that I am breathing fresh air and working otherwise neglected muscles and helping my health. I realize that there are snakes and other little critters whose homes may well be in the very crags and crannies I place my fingers in and bet my life on. They can and will defend their spaces against us huge invaders. I remember once, on another hike when I was a kid, my brother sat on a rock to tie his shoes and heard a rattlesnake under it. We often name a hill for an experience, so, we came to call that hill Rattlesnake Mountain. Rattlers are nice animals, they warn you before they attack unlike some people (I've been sucker-punched once in my life, that was enough). From that particular snake, I learned that a safe place, like a sturdy rock, may not be safe because of what may lurk beneath.

The actual climbing is its own reward. But reaching the peak and being able to look down at where we came up, to see a 360 degree panorama, as in the case of Frenchman Mountain which

lies supine like a French man across the East side of the Vegas Valley, and to see the great blue man-made Lake Mead on one side contrasting to its desert environment and a sea of buildings and lights on the other side called Las Vegas, North Las Vegas, Henderson, and County is a kind of grandeur hard to express in words.

It is disconcerting to think of the millions of people going about their business below me in the soupy pollution that hangs in a thick layer over them but under me. From my vantage, even during the dismal thoughts of our ability to damage nature and our own health, I cannot help but be impressed by our ingenuity, our drive to find ways to strive in inhospitable climates...a man made lake on one side of a large fault upheaval feeding a million of us on the other side. It's incredible.

Imagine all the ditch-diggers, construction workers, planners, surveyors and tax money that had to come together over time to make that mess. Not to mention the numerous other talents who maintain and manage it. And, at the basis of all this civilization, that which makes neighbors tolerate neighbors, keep cops and lawyers busy, and give criminals something to break--is the law.

My buddy is hungry, so we start climbing down. Going down a mountain is more dangerous than going up because the eyes are further from the feet and it's harder to see footholds. Plus, there's a tendency to want to go with gravity and run down slopes, which can twist an ankle or send someone over an edge. Like climbing, when descending, you may start in one direction, but depending on the contours of the mountain and your ability, you may take easier longer paths or harder shorter ones. It doesn't matter as both will get you to your destination, but one may be more fraught with risks.

Sometimes the exhilaration is worth the risk though, and caution is thrown to the wind. We see a rockslide on a nice steep slope, and, tying my well-worn shoes tighter, I prepare to rock ski two hundred feet to the edge of a cliff where the slide cuts short. My friend, much more hand-eye coordinated than I am is not quite as sure-footed and slides down on his rear and heels. I think he'll need new pants after this.

What do they say? Life is all down hill from here? It sure is! It's a crucial part of the adventure. One would think I'd be tired after a rigorous hike, but the rush of accomplishment can keep a person going all day. Just as when I finish anything I'm proud of or have invested time and energy in, the satisfaction of a job well done is rewarding, but recognition from others for it helps to make that feeling last far longer than it would if I alone knew what I did. I like the thought that others may remember my exploits after I forget or cease upon this planet. Life is, after all, a short ride on a rock hurtling through space. Vladimir Nabokov once said that our “existence is but a brief crack of light between two eternities of darkness.” May as well have a good time, and

help others have one too.

I wonder sometimes about people who work thirty years in a job before retiring or being laid off and then die soon after from a broken spirit and a loss of self-worth. Retirement from one kind of work need not be retirement from all work. I suppose the same could be said of graduation from school. Life does not have to be one large hill which almost ends and becomes useless after reaching the top but rather a number of hills and valleys. The momentum of the descent from one mountain can carry us part of the way up the next.