Modern Relationships in Las Vegas -- Ten things to consider about being single

I have represented divorce and family law clients for nine years in Las Vegas and I pay attention to the trends in society, including the technological changes and the evolving views on relationships.  As part of my practice, I not only look at the law, but I do my best to present my clients with bigger picture concepts to help them through the horrible experiences that brought them to me.  I try to have them see things from their significant other's points of view and the point of view of a judge.

We live in a day and age of constant stimulation.  We see people do amazing things on TV, in movies (I include some movies below that you may want to watch), on Facebook, and Youtube.  We then examine our own dull lives and many of us determine that our significant other is a weight around our neck.  A ball-and-chain.  A restraint on freedom.   We realize that if we didn't have to share our time, money, and energy with this other person, whom we may still love (but not be in love with any longer) we could be doing those exciting things and meeting new and exciting people.

We then throw away the stifling comfort of a committed relationship in favor of the risk and potential rewards of adventure.  Of course, what many of us do not realize until it is too late is the downside of the risk of leaving someone to whom we were committed.  It is important to remember various truths about our so-called modern, civilized society as we break up with those who love us and seek out the temptations we have deprived ourselves of while in the committed relationship.  

Do not forget or fail to consider the following as you enter the world of single-hood after years of being in a committed relationship:

1.      AIDS and other life threatening or terminal sexually transmitted diseases still exist and are far more common in single people with multiple sexual partners.  STDs (or STIs) are virtually nonexistent in committed one-partner relationships. Many single women unintentionally spread disease with unprotected sex.  Some people intentionally spread disease.  There are some criminal statutes for spreading STDs, but if a person is dying of AIDs anyway, what can criminal justice really do?

2.      It is estimated that 1 in 20 people in the world is sociopathic (some think that it is more than that, but still, if it is 1 out of 20, that means you already know several sociopaths).  Brain chemistry, drugs, or a birth defect in which the amygdala of the brain is smaller than normal can cause this.  Sociopaths can act like they care about people, but they do this only to get what they want.  Sociopaths can be good for society (lack of empathy can make sociopaths good at sales, surgery, politics, and war), but can be very hard to deal with, and a small minority of sociopaths are criminals, a smaller minority consists of psychopaths who murder or rape for pleasure.  Sociopaths can be charmers who destroy what they charm. An excellent movie about a sociopath, depicted by Daniel Day-Lewis, who did good for society but was still horrible to those close to him is “There Will be Blood.”  Other single but mentally disturbed individuals can ruin your life too.  Take for instance Audrey Tautou’s character in “He Loves Me, He Loves me Not”.

3.      Two income homes with shared living expenses means more money saved than living singly (unless your domestic partner is using you and spending far too much).  Marriage gives tax breaks that single people cannot get.  Consider the financial impact logically as part of your resolve to break up.  The financial and emotional impact of divorce is brought home in the movie “The War of the Roses”.

4.      The grass is greener where you water it. Don’t envy your neighbor’s lawn, water your own.  Consider that the investment in yourself and your relationship may be better for you than fleeing it for new territory.  Meryl Streep’s character had to make a huge decision that meant sacrifice either way in “The Bridges of Madison County”. The bridge could be a symbol for her choice, stay home on one side, or cross over to a new world.

5.      Singlehood can mean rejection (both you rejecting others and them rejecting you), heartache, loneliness, and crazy exes.  You should always background check anyone you intend to get serious with.  You may find out that they have a history of drug abuse, sexual violence, or crazy exes themselves that can hurt you and/or your children.  The wife and mother to the character portrayed by Viggo Mortensen had no clue her gentle husband was a former murdering gangster in “A History of Violence”.

6.      If you do have children and want to enter single life, you still have a life commitment to them and some sort of connection with the other parent.   You may have court battles for child support even after the children are adults.  Worse yet, you may be left totally on your own to raise the child, such as what happened to Will Smith’s character in “The Pursuit of Happyness”.

7.      New people in your life can set you up in such a way that you face criminal responsibility.  Be wary.  Jim Carrey’s character did this to his lover in “I Love you Phillip Morris”.

8.      New is not necessarily better.  Committed love can be much better for your long-term happiness, than the thrill of a new love (crush), which lasts for a short while and leaves you worse off.  Gael García Bernal’s character had to realize that his wife and child were more important than the cute young woman in “Mammoth”.

9.      Sometimes being single is much better than remaining married--and feeling trapped, take for instance Jennifer Lopez’s character in “Enough”.  Some people have to go through a few long-term relationships before they find the one that will be there for the rest of their lives, sometimes even with the same person.  In my practice, I have seen people in their second marriage to the same person.  A movie depicting this would be “The Marrying Man”. Former family court Judge Judy Scheindlin divorced and remarried her husband.  However, some never do find another that will love them as much as the one they threw away.  When you are old, will you live in despair and loneliness with all the regrets, or will you have friends and lovers keeping you in the moment instead of in the past?

10.         There are a lot of movies that can encourage adventurous risk-taking which should be considered in light of all of the above.  Such movies may include, “Titanic: in which Rose is convinced to pursue a romantic, adventurous life instead of a life with a rich husband”, “The Bridges of Madison County: about a wife having to choose between domesticity and adventure”, pretty much every movie with Michelle Williams in it (Blue Valentine: about a dwindling marriage, Take this Waltz: about a wife finding someone new, Mammoth: about a husband being seduced, Incendiary: about an adulterous wife who loses everything, including her mind, Broke Back Mountain: about a loyal wife with a disloyal gay husband, and even My Week With Marilyn: about a wife who strays)  “Kramer vs. Kramer: about a mother and father fighting over a child”, “The War of the Roses: about a husband and wife fighting over everything through a divorce”, “Indecent Proposal: about a rich guy buying another man's wife”, "Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?: about a tumultuous marriage", “Revolutionary Road: about an evolving marriage”, “Two for the Road: about a dwindling marriage” and "Rebound: about finding someone new after a divorce".

By Anthony M. Wright, JD

March 4, 2013


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Anthony is a Las Vegas divorce attorney, licensed in Nevada since 2005. When considering marriage and divorce, it is advisable to meet with a Las Vegas family law attorney to more fully appreciate all your options.  Why are Las Vegas family lawyers so good at giving advice?  Because, Las Vegas is perhaps the marriage and divorce capitol of the entire world.  It is an adult playground where relationships are born and die.  Nevada has the easiest laws to get married and to get divorced, so clients flock here and the family law attorneys get plenty of experience.  An experienced divorce lawyer has probably heard and seen it all many times.  The relationship problems depicted in the movies mentioned in the article above are small compared to the real relationship problems most divorce lawyers are asked to handle in family court.

LAS VEGAS WRITER: April Adams

That Don't Make Ya Bad: A Memoir of Addiction:

April Aimee Adams tells the heart-wrenching story of a childhood marred by facial scars, an absentee father, and an overworked, inattentive mother. That Don't Make Ya Bad describes the perilous journey of a scared, overweight young woman as she confronts low self-esteem and a poor self-image. All April seeks is love and acceptance of friends and family, but all she finds is a disheartening routine of bulimia, alcohol, sex, and drugs. In the end, her spirited and determined effort to achieve self-discovery and personal growth brings her the sobriety, stability, and peace she seeks. But the story of April Aimee Adams isn't only about one person, it's about all of us who face difficult circumstances in life. That Don't Make Ya Bad is really about how perseverance and desire can triumph over defeat and addiction. Her uplifting, inspirational story will leave any reader wiser, stronger . . . and crying for joy..

April Aimee Adams:

When I was twelve, I tried alcohol and marijuana for the fi rst time. By the time I was fifteen, alcohol joined food as my other best friend. When I drank, I forgot my thunder thighs and the scar marring my face. I felt beautiful and confident — but most important, I wasn’t paralyzed with fear over what others thought of me.

Chapter Excerpt: Welcome To Life

After struggling with addiction for many years, April Aimee Adams turned her life around. She graduated summa cum laude with a bachelor’s degree in psychology in 2008. Owner of Rodnee Books, LLC, she is soon to publish an autobiography called That Don’t Make Ya Bad: A Memoir of Addiction.

Besides writing, April spends her time taking care of her ten-year-old twins. Her main goal in life is to help those who struggle with addiction. She wants to make it clear that people are not their addictions and the true self is still inside them. They are controlled by the monster of addiction, but they can possibly be freed with treatment, which includes self-discovery and personal growth.

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Personal Note by Anthony M. Wright, Esq.

Ms. Adams was sitting near me as I read her life story.  It was an interesting experience, almost like reading a person's mind, reviewing her innermost thoughts, and looking through a window into her past. Ms. Adams' candid memoir should help those suffering from addiction to realize they are not at all alone and there is a silver-lining. To look at her now, one would not imagine the prior harshness of her life.  Her book does not have a whining tone and though one may feel bad for her various unfortunate experiences, it is written not for one to feel sorry, but for one to learn and appreciate the sorts of situations we all face or endure in life.  If you want a near approximation to walking a mile in someone's shoes, read a memoir.

For me, the mentions of a Las Vegas I remember as a child (such as the old Wonderworld) conjured memories.

RIP Attorney RONA-KAYE T. TUITELE of Las Vegas

Rona was admitted to practice law in Nevada in 2008.  She was a graduate of the William S. Boyd School of Law.  She had just turned 33 years old when her spirit left her body.

LAPD Spree Killer had Temporary Protection Order in Las Vegas

Las Vegas, Nevada is frequently in the world news.  Sometimes criminal law or family law stories that get world attention also have some relationship with the Las Vegas Valley.

Recently, Christopher Dorner, the former Los Angeles police officer that was fired from his job several years ago wrote an 11,300-word manifesto and then went on a killing spree—seeking vengeance on those his deluded mind believed wronged him.

In his manifesto, which was mainly about the wrongs of the LAPD, Christopher Dorner made sure to write a paragraph about his experience in Clark County Family Court, the courthouse for Las Vegas and Henderson divorce and child custody cases.  In this particular situation, Mr. Dorner had obtained a Temporary Protection Order against his former girlfriend/wife, claiming she was dangerous.  (Apparently Dorner married a former LAPD officer in Las Vegas, a marriage that lasted maybe three weeks).  When the sitting pro tem commissioner, John Eccles, denied extending the temporary protection order, Christopher Dorner’s warped mind immediately flew to conspiracy theories. 

The following is Dorner’s diatribe against the decision of pro tem commissioner John Eccles:

You allow an officer, XXXX, to attempt to hack into my credit union account and still remain on the job even when Det. XXXX shows the evidence that the IP address (provided by LAPFCU) that attempted to hack into my account and change my username and password leads directly to her residence. You even allow this visibly disgusting looking officer to stay on the job when she perjures (lies) in court (Clark County Family Court) to the judge’s face and denies hacking into my personal credit union online account when I attempted to get my restraint order extended. Det. XXXX provided the evidence and you still do nothing.

Read more at http://ktla.com/2013/02/12/read-christopher-dorners-so-called-manifesto/#FDZBZYVwvJuqpjSj.99

In light of the violence Christopher Dorner committed, which probably include murder, attempted murder, armed robbery, extortion, and kidnapping, it seems that the Temporary Protection Order should have been brought against Christopher Dorner by his ex, instead of the other way around. 

Commissioner John Eccles was clearly correct in recognizing that the Temporary Protection Order filed by Christopher Dorner was illegitimate and was therefore correct in denying extending the Temporary Protection Order, and dissolving it.  It appears that Mr. Dorner’s delusions are transparent to reasonable minded individuals, thus resulting in his own dismissal from the LAPD years ago when he lied about a fellow officer beating a suspect, ending his new marriage, and getting his Temporary Protection Order dismissed by pro-tem commissioner Eccles.

Because of his connection to Las Vegas, the nationwide manhunt against Christopher Dorner was partially focused in the Las Vegas Valley.  There were signs posted on the freeway with Dorner’s smiling face and a million dollar reward leading to his capture. Someone not familiar with the case may have thought this was promotion for a new act on the Las Vegas Strip.

Mr. Dorner's additional unintended victims included friends of mine here in Las Vegas and Henderson.  The police stopped a few of my friends believing they fit Dorner's description.  This goes to show the far-reaching ramifications that crime has in society.  Dorner, like most criminals, probably never concerned himself with misidentification.  My friends that bear passing resemblances to Mr. Dorner still have to be on guard following Dorner's death lest someone does not know he is now passed from the Earth and seeks the million dollar reward. 

My friends can, at least, breathe a little easier now that the manhunt is over.

Anthony M. Wright, JD

February 13, 2013